Monday Morning Coming Down (Guest Blogger: Richard K. Morgan)
In more ways than one – first thing this morning (well, about ten thirty, which is first thing in the morning for a full time author) I take a five metre drop on the end wall at the Glasgow climbing centre. Combination of factors, worst of which is probably the unpalatable fact I weigh twelve to fifteen kilos more than my climbing partner, a wiry French guy called Regis who’s also nearly a decade my junior (well, that’s my excuse, anyway). Then, the fact I’d carelessly hauled a couple of metres of loose rope up preparatory to make the last clip-in on the climb, and was equally carelessly looping it when the hold under my foot gave way, spun, and dumped me onto the three fingers I was holding myself pinned to the wall with. When you weigh in at ninety-two kilos and change, three fingers won’t hold up a drop like that. Or at least, my fingers won’t. The whole thing was, as the Spanish say, de pelicula – just like a movie. I drop, I lose the finger hold instantly, pull loose, drop again. Regis gets approximately zero warning and the rope snaps him in a couple more metres towards the wall. That, the loose rope, the space between clipping points, my height – well, it all adds up, and during the fall I actually have time to think "shit, hope Regis is paying att-" Snap/Tug!! Oh – he is. Phew.
I hang there, turning gently with the rope. Sheepish, post-adrenalin grin. Oops.
Something similar (minus the adrenalin) happened a couple of days ago too. My wife and I flew back in from a visit to her family in Madrid, where the sky is a sun-blasted blue and temperatures are climbing towards their usual summer excess. I didn’t get to check the daytime readings – some bright spark in the Madrid Ayuntamiento apparently decided that the digital time-and-temperature displays once common all over the city are a prime cause of traffic accidents (no, I think that’ll more likely be the speeding, light jumping and tail-gating Spanish drivers seem to think is a requirement of urban car ownership) – but I did notice the outside temperature reading on my brother-in-law’s car dashboard one midnight out on the town, and it read 31. That’s centigrade, that’s the middle of the night. I’ll leave you to work out what daytime was like. Anyway, we flew back in from that to Glasgow, where it was cold, cloudy and raining at a malicious thirty-degree angle. See - this is where we live. Where, in fact (since writing novels is a profession you can do pretty much anywhere), we choose to live.
And why – I wondered, getting off the plane – the fuck do we do that? What exactly are we doing here?
Snap/Tug!! Oops. I stand there blinking cold rain out of my face. Sheepish grin.
Why indeed? Tune in tomorrow for some answers, some alarming statistics, maybe the odd subliminal plug for my book (BUY MY BOOK, IT’S GREAT; IT’S CALLED THIRTEEN, YOU’LL LIKE IT!!) and some more general rambling.
[Note from Ed: ahem, Richard, it’s not really subliminal, if you tell them you’re going to do it like that.]
Ah. Right, good point there, Tom, thanks. Uhm – can we go from the top again? --Richard Morgan
Linda C on July 07, 2008 at 01:22 PM
Please write about books, not some adventure about which I don't care.
Is it necessary to use "the 'f' word?" My English teacher always said that those who use "curse" words do so because of a limited vocabulary
Djibril Alayad on July 07, 2008 at 03:38 PM
Your teacher told you that, Linda C? That the best argument you can come up with? So you should avoid using certain words to prove that you have a wider vocabulary?
Anyway, I look forward to more adventures. And reading about books. And rants. And whatever else this blogger feels like blogging about. ('Cause anything about which I don't care, I don't have to read.)
Wilhelmina on July 07, 2008 at 06:36 PM
jumping up down loving it. Djibril you should check out Richards websie http://www.richardkmorgan.com/index.htm
my teach told me the same thing abouth cusing... but then my comic favs are Red Fox, Richard Pryor and George Carlin... and I know how to curse in sign language...hehehe
Read Thirteen, Read Market Forces-- get parinod !!!!!!
Wilhelmina on July 07, 2008 at 06:38 PM
jumping up down loving it. Djibril you should check out Richards websie http://www.richardkmorgan.com/index.htm
my teach told me the same thing abouth cusing... but then my comic favs are Red Fox, Richard Pryor and George Carlin... and I know how to curse in sign language...hehehe
Read Thirteen, Read Market Forces-- get parinod !!!!!!
Mihaela on July 08, 2008 at 02:22 AM
Hey ;)
SFera has a Book club and thirteen is our book of the months! Loving it! :)))
the wiry French guy called Regis on July 08, 2008 at 06:40 AM
it reads like I saved his life!
Get back on that treadmill richard.
you are the only person who believes in these lame excuses anyway
Jordan Kohout on July 14, 2008 at 03:20 PM
Jee-whiz Richard, can you please just can it with the curse words! My teacher says swearing is bad because she's a conservative bitch who forgot what the Bill of Rights are.
Neuro Splicer on August 18, 2008 at 02:01 PM
Never trust a man who does NOT use a good swear word or two...