Next Guest Blogger: Lemony Snicket Answers Your December Questions
In December, the elusive Lemony Snicket will be here giving advice for the holiday season, a phrase which here means "that awkward time of year filled with unwanted gifts, distant relatives, and ill-dressed turkey." Submit your questions for him in the comments section below.
[Ed.: Yes, this is true. Mr. Snicket, author of the lamentably popular Series of Unfortunate Events as well as the more appropriately themed picture books, The Lump of Coal and The Latke Who Couldn't Stop Screaming: A Christmas Story, will be visiting Omnivoracious on Tuesdays during December for the express purpose of helping you with your problems, and, in general, telling you what to do when you can't figure that out for yourself. Please ask him now about anything you please: orphans, accordions, or, especially, the most terrible time of the year, the holidays.]
Uncle Joe on November 24, 2008 at 11:06 PM
Every Christmas I have to buy gifts for my nieces and nephews who I only see once a year. Anything they might have been into the last time I saw them is deeply uncool by the time I see them again (and they let me know it). How do I stay ahead of the curve?
Thanks!
Third-Cousin Alex on November 25, 2008 at 11:34 AM
Every year, my mom makes the most delicious cheese potatoes for the holiday dinner. This year, however, I am away from home, and will be dining with friends at a new house. The catch is that the person hosting will allow me to bring the cheese potatoes, but she is not a fan of onions. The onions are the third-most key ingredient to the cheese potatoes! How can I enjoy a holiday dinner without cheese potatoes as they were meant to be? Also, is this hostess insane?
Woody on November 25, 2008 at 11:34 AM
Why does it always have to be coal? Why shouldn't a concerned parent give their ill-behaved youngsters something more accessible for modern times, say, a stick of firewood or a dried lump of mud?
Juliet on November 25, 2008 at 11:42 AM
Dear Mr. Snicket:
I have recently met a most wonderful young man, and we have determined to marry. My family, however, has deemed him unsuitable, a word which here means "the young son of a rival family, whom we have vowed to murder for the slightest of offenses." Though we have known each other only a short while--less than 24 hours, in fact--we are deeply in love and wish to gain the blessing of our families. As the holiday season fast approaches, how can we declare our love and bury our parents' strife?
With sincere thanks,
Juliet
Saturnine in Seattle on November 25, 2008 at 11:47 AM
Dear Mr. L. Snicket,
I must first admit I am a tremendous fan of your aptly titled "Series of Unfortunate Events," firstly, because the Baudelaire recipe for puttanesca is unparalleled, a word which here means far superior to any other puttanesca recipes to be found in un-unfortunate books; secondly, because my various family members often acquire the less savoury traits of Count Olaf during the holiday season. Do you have any suggestions for surviving this month of familial cruelty?
Still Available in San Fernando on November 25, 2008 at 12:03 PM
I was anxiously anticipating the opportunity to meet you, Mr. Snicket, at a recent literary event, but was instead greeted by an accordionist who said you were ill. Who was this handsome accordionist? And are you feeling better?
BilboC on November 25, 2008 at 12:51 PM
How do you appropriately thank a family member for a gift you hate?
Cornpone on November 25, 2008 at 12:53 PM
What holiday traditions do you hope die with your generation? Which ones would you like to see passed on?
Harrison Stanley on November 25, 2008 at 04:25 PM
Please, please tell me... What does VFD stand for?
Chris S. on November 26, 2008 at 08:24 AM
Dear Mr. Snicket,
I have read all of your books and even those of your friend Mr. Handler. As I am 10 years old, the pearl necklace at the beginning of one of Mr. Handler's books was quite enlightening. Are you going to write any more things to be made into comics? I liked the Little Lit story you wrote.
Your Fan,
Chris
Katelyn W. on November 26, 2008 at 09:57 AM
Dear Mr. Snicket,
Where have Violet, Klaus, and Sunny vanished off to? What's that '?' shaped thing that sometimes appears on the ship radar? Also, are you going to write any more about the aSoUE characters? Please, please, please write more about them! I hear you have another series idea. Maybe you could tell me what it's about? Your friend that plays accordion also has a book about pirates in the making. Would you tell me what the title of his book is?
I look forward to hearing from you soon,
K.
Queequeg on November 26, 2008 at 11:38 AM
Dear Mr. Snicket,
I am a recent college graduate, and sadly I am not working in my chosen career. As an Anthropology Major there are many things I can do, such as dig up really old pots, piece together the human skeleton, work with animals, and studing various cultures around the globe. I have also worked on the College newspaper, and Children's Museum, and a Pizza Parlor.
What would you suggest that I do in general, since I have no idea.
What should I do to get employed, which skills are most important?
Are you looking to hire in the near future, I know the job would bring much unpleasantness, but, I feel that I am a good candidate, since I have experienced much hardships while doing archaeology, such as mosquito's, scorpions, rain, heat, cold showers, and killer bees.
Thanks
Queequeg!!
SSS in Denver on November 26, 2008 at 05:15 PM
Mr. Snickett,
We love your books! Will you please continue with the Unfortunate Series soon? Happy Holidays!
SSS
mk247 on November 27, 2008 at 06:42 AM
I heard you are planning another series. Is that true? I am a huge fan.
-MK247
Sarah from Alaska on November 27, 2008 at 07:29 AM
Dear Mr. Snicket,
Having written so much about beautiful young women in misfortune, I hope you can help me. For the past few months, my life and job have become a nightmare. Strange people with cameras and microphones have started following me everywhere. When I was considered for a promotion, people accused me of wanting to murder my colleague. And on a family outing to a turkey farm, a lovely photograph of me was spoiled by a turkey being slaughtered in the background. Life under these circumstances has become unbearable. What shall I do, Lemony Snicket?
With all due respect,
Sarah from Alaska
Laden with Troubles on November 27, 2008 at 08:12 AM
Dear Mr. Snicket,
My current situation is similar to one I understand you have experienced, so I am seeking your advice. I am a fugitive who has been forced to take up residence in a remote mountain cave, and I suspect that my enemies are closing in. Since I do not have a clear route of escape and due to poor health I may be incapable of holding them off, do you have any cave-decorating tips?
Sincerely,
Laden with Troubles in Afghanistan
Laden with Troubles on November 27, 2008 at 08:19 AM
Dear Mr. Snicket,
My current situation is similar to one I understand you have experienced, so I am seeking your advice. I am a fugitive who has been forced to take up residence in a remote mountain cave, and I suspect that my enemies are closing in. Since I do not have a clear route of escape and due to poor health I may be incapable of holding them off, do you have any cave-decorating tips?
Sincerely,
Laden with Troubles in Afghanistan
BSam on November 27, 2008 at 01:19 PM
You went though an awful lot in order to bring the terrible plight of the Baudelaire orphans to our attention. What can your loyal fans do to show their appreciation? Would you like a hug?
Not Planning on Living in a Cardboard Box on November 27, 2008 at 10:27 PM
Dear Mr. Snicket,
I'm currently in college and life hasn't been quite peachy. It's as if misfortune follows me whenever enter a lecture hall because I don't get the grades I would like. I don't goof around and I work hard to make my dreams come true (I would like to be a medical doctor one day) but misfortune keeps following me. My dream isn't dead but it's reached the point where I may have to pull it off life-support. Have you ever found yourself in this predicament? How do you ward off misfortune and retain the ability to follow your dreams? Is there anything out there that would aid?
Sincerely,
Not Planning on Living in a Cardboard Box
Planning on Living in a Cardboard Box on November 27, 2008 at 10:43 PM
Dear Mr. Snicket,
Unlike the previous commenter, I fully intend to live in a cardboard box upon graduation. Could you suggest some nice furnishings?
Sincerely,
Planning on Living in a Cardboard Box
Lola Stone on November 28, 2008 at 01:18 PM
Dear Mr. Snicket,
It has come to my attention that you will be visiting in December and I only have one question: Will you ever again write about the baudelaire's? Since I just love these books and love hearing about Voilet's inventions, Klaus's research and lastly reading about Sunny's cooking (That sound delicious!) and very sharp teeth. I would just love for you to reply and best wishes on your incredible books!
With all due respect,
Lola Stone
P.S. I admire you very much!
Michael Sixteen on November 30, 2008 at 10:41 AM
Dear Mr. Snicket,
Is it really a wonderful life?
With all due respect,
Michael Sixteen.
Emma Squalor on November 30, 2008 at 03:36 PM
Dear Mr. Snicket,
I'm not sure if you'll remember me, but I was at the bookstore in Ridgewood, New Jersey that you visited three weeks ago. You signed my copies of "The Ersatz Elevator" and "The Lump of Coal", and I gave you some drawings I had done of Esmé, Jerome, and Carmelita.
There was a question that I had intended to ask you, and it is a question that I've always wondered about: What is Esmé Squalor's maiden name?
With All Due Respect,
Kat "Emma Squalor" Garcia
Nikolas on December 01, 2008 at 04:02 AM
Dear Mr. Snicket,
Would you happen to know when Daniel Handler's next book will be coming out in stores? I've heard it's about someone who wants to be a pirate, and...frankly, I want to be a pirate too. I mean, Pirates get a lot of booty. And who doesn't want that?
Thank you,
Nik.
Elle on December 01, 2008 at 11:44 PM
Dear Mr. Snicket,
As an author, do you approve of fan-created original characters?
Also, do you look at the fanart posted on 667 Dark Avenue (the forum)? I would just like to know so that I might hesitate before posting something weird like, well, like nearly everything I've posted.
With all due respect, assuming that respect is indeed due,
Elle
P.S. Dewey's the father, right?
Jemzaza on December 02, 2008 at 02:11 PM
How do I gift wrap unusually shaped presents? I always end up ripping through the paper and some part ends up sticking out, such as the legs of a teddy bear.
Thank you :) You write brilliant, melancholic books, by the way.
With every single bit of respect,
Jemima
Sebastian Who on December 04, 2008 at 06:04 PM
Mr. Snicket—
I recently discovered that a family of rabid ermines has taken up residence within the belly of my eighteenth-century Rococo chaise lounge. What would you, sir, suggest to be the best way to envelop them with the spirit of the holiday season?
With all due seasonal greetings,
Sebastian Who
Dante R. on December 05, 2008 at 05:13 AM
Dear Mr. Snicket,
Many years ago, you wrote a festive tale entitled "The Baby in the Manger." However, its publication was heavily limited. Is this volume too threatening to be published for the general public, or will we someday be free to peruse it at our leisure?
With all due respect,
Dante R.
667 Dark Avenue on December 05, 2008 at 08:26 AM
Dear Mr. Snicket,
In the spirit of Christmas, we offer you a gift, and hope for one in return. Some time ago, a fan asked you what question you would most like to be asked by fans, to which your answer was, “Might you explain the way in which the following narrative threads are intertwined?” In answer to your answer, we must ask:
Might you explain the way in which the following narrative threads are intertwined?
We invite you to decide the narrative threads which most please you, and which are intertwined rather than parallel.
With all due respect,
667 Dark Avenue
Gigi on December 12, 2008 at 02:30 PM
Dear Mr. Snicket,
As the holidays roll around again, we have many relatives and house guests staying with us. As much as I love my family, they just can't seem to take the hint that they have out-stayed their welcome. Since I'm sure you have been more successful than I at getting rid of unwanted visitors, how would you recommend I get them all to leave?
With all due respect,
Gigi
Cory M. on December 15, 2008 at 02:33 PM
Do marsupials have bellybuttons?
Emily on December 17, 2008 at 04:42 AM
Mr Snicket,
Much like the Baudelaire Orphans, my family is not exactly, uh, 'perfect'. This results in a rather large amount of awkwardness and silence around my family gatherings of the holiday season. How do you propose I distill this unpleasantness without making the situation even more awkward?
Thank you,
Emily.
Quiggles on December 17, 2008 at 04:50 AM
Today I heard a strange, high-pitched mechanical noise coming from down the road. I stuck my head out of the front door; nothing.
My question is, if there's nothing out there, then what was that noise?
667 Dark Avenue on December 17, 2008 at 07:26 AM
Dear Mr. Snicket: What is the most effective means of keeping those well-intentioned but pesky holiday carolers from disrupting our evenings and obstructing our fire exits? Every time the doorbell rings and our labors are interrupted by their unfailingly cheerful faces, our secret organization teeters closer and closer to the brink of disaster.
With all due desperation,
--667 Dark Avenue
JonathanW. on December 25, 2008 at 06:17 PM
Dear Mr. Snicket,
I have come across a website on the internet that you have an idea for another book series for children. I don't need nor want to know anything else but if it is indeed true that you are thinking of publishing another book series.
I just think that it will probably bring back the popularity again of your "A Series of Unfortunate Events" books, because it has died away. I enjoyed your first series very much, and I am looking forward to seeing more information about another series.
With All Due Respect,
Jonathan W.
P.S. The site about your series idea is at http://www.publishersweekly.com/article/CA6608436.html