The Secret New Year's Resolutions of Detectives, from Huston, Meaney, Tremblay, and Berry
In honor of Charlie Huston's guest blogging this week, I thought it might be fun to get New Year's resolutions from him as well as John Meaney, Paul Tremblay, and Jedediah Berry, all three of whom have unusual noir/detective novels coming out this spring. Except the twist is, these are their detectives' resolutions. So now it's Amazon readers' turn to track down some clues: just what can you deduce about the books from these resolutions? No matter what you come up with, I can guarantee all four novels are feasts for fans of noir and imaginative fiction.
Web Goodhue (The Mystic Arts of Erasing All Signs of Death, Charlie Huston)
- Figure out what that thing is growing at the back of the fridge. Kill it if it tries to breed.
- Get the decomposed dead guy smell out of my favorite jeans.
- Remember to call my mom, remember to call my mom, remember to call my mom.
- Remember not to let mom get to me when I call her.
- Apologize for being such a d--- lately. To everyone.
- Don't apologize to my dad because he's a bigger d--- than I am.
- Learn how to get tear gas smell out of curtains. There's good money in that.
- Renew Fangoria subscription.
- Talk to that guy about that thing.
- Try to get out of bed before noon at least one day a week.
Donal Riordan (Black Blood, John Meaney)
- I will recharge my heart every three days, with more than one minute to spare.
- I will not be disturbed by the strange ideas of other zombies.
- I will try to remain in cities where the sky is always deep purple, and the only place to wear shades is indoors.
- I will try not to examine my own emotions so closely that they disappear.
- I will run in the catacombs every day.
- I will keep my Magnus fully loaded at all times.
- I will be kind to cats.
Mark Genevich (The Little Sleep, Paul Tremblay)
- I will exercise less and take shorter walks. I don’t want to wear out the soles of my Doc Martens needlessly. Besides, the view of South Boston from the confines of my little corner office is just plain lovely.
- Because the heady stew of stimulants and depressants exacerbate my narcolepsy, I will give up smoking, drinking coffee, and alcohol for at least one day. Maybe. (Addendum: I will consider getting a new couch; one that isn’t polka-dotted with cigarette burns.)
- I will not accept cases from women claiming to have had their fingers stolen and replaced with someone else’s digits. No good comes from such cases. Trust me. (Addendum: I will not accept rides from men built like Governors from California, no matter how nicely they threaten me.)
- I will steal my mother’s clown pants. That is not code for anything with a deeper meaning. No one likes a clown.
- I will stop lying to Ellen, unless I want to need to. (Addendum: I will stop lying to you. Starting with: I wasn’t asleep. I wasn’t dreaming. I was awake the whole time.)
Charles Unwin, as relayed via self-memorandum (The Manual of Detection, Jedediah Berry)
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Wake sleepwalkers as soon as you see them. You never know who they’re working for.
- Swap Monday’s sandwich (cucumber and horseradish) with Thursday’s sandwich (pastrami with dill pickle). A little frivolous change never hurt anyone.
- Suggest for future investigation: the dreams of that murderous goon, Jasper Rook. He was awake for seventeen years; will he sleep for seventeen more?
- About the sandwiches. Move the pastrami and dill pickle over to Wednesday. Wednesday’s sandwich (turkey and swiss on rye) can take the Monday spot. That will really shake things up.
- Leave a few typos uncorrected. A report with typos is a report with character, Detective Sivart always says.
- It’s never too soon to start preparing for what’s going to happen when that murderous goon Jasper Rook wakes up.
- This situation with the sandwiches has gotten a bit out of hand. Put cucumber and horseradish back on Monday, restore turkey and swiss on rye to Wednesday, and leave Thursday’s pastrami with dill pickle well enough alone. If you want some frivolous change, you may prepare any of the above toasted.
- Get less sleep.
INReader on January 14, 2009 at 07:42 AM
I found this post amusing, and I plan to read a few of these!
Home Based Business on January 14, 2009 at 12:55 PM
I haven't read any of these books. You should do the same for some authors like, Napoleon Hill, Andy Andrews, T. Harv Ecker and so forth. Those would be some inspiring resolutions!
Trump Network Marketing on May 19, 2009 at 09:40 PM
Very interesting post! The Black Blood book intrigues me. Ever consider being a writer yourself? Thanks for sharing.
Trump Network on August 23, 2009 at 12:07 AM
Wow, thanks for the books and the post. I'm reading about the Golden Ration, phi. Very technical and mathematical book, but interesting. Thanks for sharing!