One-on-One with Bill Simmons
by Dave Callanan
on October 05, 2009
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--Dave
Amazon.com: What is your reaction to fans that dismiss the NBA by saying "I can only get into the college game"?
Simmons: Do people really say that? I always thought people got into college hoops because A) they went to a college with a strong program, B.) they live in an area with the ACC, Big 12 or whatever, or C.) they're attracted to the corruption, cheating and dishonesty. I have always been one of those "I like the absolute best" guys. That's why I can't watch the WNBA, the MLS, Arena Football or anything of that ilk. The college product isn't as good as the pro product and I'd hope we can all agree on this. Only one season hooked me in the last 10 years - the one with Durant and Oden - and that's because those guys were prodigies to some degree. When I was growing up, the best guys stayed in college for 3-4 years and the product was fantastic - you felt like each team had a real identity. Not the case anymore. And I don't know how anyone can defend a sport that enables opportunistic, rule-bending scumbags like Calipari to switch colleges as soon as they find trouble for breaking the rules at the last one. But whatever.Amazon.com: What player surprised you the most during the course of your research?
Simmons: Probably David Thompson. I devoted maybe 2800 words to him. His college career coupled with his first 3 NBA seasons had him on pace to be Jordan before Jordan. Then the drugs happened. It's strange that he hasn't been romanticized more - you'd think everyone would know that this guys blew a chance to be one of the 12-15 greatest players ever. I was also fascinated by Kareem. I disliked him so much for so many different reasons (remember, I'm a Celtics fan) that I had never really thought about how amazing his career was. People will be surprised when they read the piece I wrote about him. And that's really why I wrote the book - the premise is that time does strange things to our memories, and we end up either overrating or underrating guys for reasons that really don't make sense. So I wanted to come up with a definitive method to figure out who mattered and who didn't. (I think I did. I hope I did.) It sounds a lot boring than it is. I blow up the NBA Hall of Fame and turn it into an Egyptian Pyramid with levels - no, really, and there are a ton of footnotes and d--k jokes. I actually thought about calling the book "A Ton of Footnotes and D--k Jokes" but apparently this isn't a marketable title.
Amazon.com: What are the top four myths about NBA basketball?
Simmons: The first is that the stats are consistent over the years. For instance, people think Oscar Robertson's triple double is this amazing achievement because they're applying it to right now - as in, "wow, nobody could do that now, that's incredible!" - when actually, it wasn't so incredible when you examine all the factors from that era. The second is that Bird and Magic "saved" the NBA. Not true. (I explain why in the book.) The third is that there will be another Michael Jordan. (I explain why there will not.) And the fourth is Wilt Chamberlain was straight. He was actually very, very gay. Way out of the closet. Everyone knew this at the time. He lived with Rock Hudson for 10 years, for God's sake. We delve into this in my book.
(Note: The last one isn't true. I just wanted to increase the odds that someone would buy it. Sorry.)
Amazon.com: Give us your top five NBA nicknames.
Simmons: I like this question because nicknames died once everyone decided it would be easier to just shorten people's names. (Like, I would be "B-Simm.") The best nicknames were from the 60's, 70's and 80's. So I'd go with Larry Legend; the Dipper; the Iceman; Earl the Pearl; and the Mail Fraud. The last one was my self-created nickname for Karl "Mailman" Malone because he choked in so many playoff games. I also really enjoyed the fact that Walt Frazier was nicknamed "Clyde." Do you really need another nickname that sounds like a name when your name is "Walt?" It really bugs me that we don't still have good nicknames now. I had a footnote in the book trying to figure out why they decided in the 70's that Leonard Robinson's nickname would be "Truck." That's a pretty strong statement to just say, "We're calling you Truck." My theory was that he did truckloads of blow, but it might have been something else. We need more NBA players named after inanimate objects like trucks and chainsaws.
Amazon.com: If you could redo the NBA logo, who would you feature as the silhouette?
Simmons: I like the Jerry West pick. I mean, his nickname is "The Logo." We couldn't change it on him. He's already one of the five most bitter ex-athletes on the planet - stealing his nickname would move him into the top-3. But if we had to dump him, I'd switch to Ray Allen launching a three. Perfect shooting form, the NBA at its finest. And he's the only NBA player to film a sex scene with two real-life porn stars in a Spike Lee movie which should count for something.
Amazon.com: Pair up the cast of any current TV show with a corresponding NBA Hall of Famer.
Simmons: That's too hard. You can't make me do that one because I'd spend 45 hours trying to figure it out. Let's just agree that Jordan was definitely Tony Soprano and we're good.
Amazon.com: Excluding The Book of Basketball, what are your favorite NBA books?
Simmons: My favorite of all-time is The Breaks of the Game by Halberstam. I read it once a year. It's the best possible book about the best possible time of the league - the late-70's, back when things were really effed up and there was a chance the league might not make it. I love everything about it. Also really enjoyed the two Terry Pluto books (Tall Tales and Loose Balls), as well as The Franchise by Cameron Stauth and Unfinished Business by Jack McCallum. And Second Wind by Bill Russell. That's my pantheon.
Amazon.com: Baseball has “The Curse of the Bambino” and “The Curse of the Billy Goat.” The NFL has “The Madden Curse.” What's the NBA's curse?
Simmons: I wrote a whole column about this recently: It's the curse of the LA Clippers, which I called "The Curse of the Sacred Buffalo." Things turned for them in 1976, when they were the Buffalo Braves, when the owner tried to move them to Florida. All hell broke loose. You can't piss off Indian spirits and that's what the owner did. Thirty-three years later, the franchise remains the biggest mess in pro basketball despite signs of potential life with this year's team... which reminds me, good seats still available for the 2009-2010 season! Call Rob Strikwerda of the Clips for details. He's waiting by the phone.
No, really.
Large shoes on October 05, 2009 at 09:55 PM
Hello, I am a regular visitor of amazon.com and I love reading all books and magazines of amazon. Yet I didn't read The Book of Basketball but I am sure it will be mind blowing and very soon I am gonna read it.
Mike on October 10, 2009 at 08:00 AM
You haven't read it because it isn't out yet
Jonathan on October 10, 2009 at 08:18 AM
You haven't read it because you can't read.
miker on October 10, 2009 at 08:44 AM
Is there any point in posting a comment telling someone they can't read? If they can, you're wrong; if they can't, they'll never know. Like waving to a blind guy or whistling to a deaf guy.
Robert Rudy on October 10, 2009 at 08:59 AM
You haven't read it because you buy too many books about homosexual Spartans.
Ben on October 10, 2009 at 10:41 AM
"Big Baby" Davis doesn't make the top 5? Added points for being an active player.
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Ha ha ha, Big baby is an awesome nickname. My mailman looks like the drunk new-years baby with stubble and nasty eyes. We call him big baby too, though not to his face.
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