2011 Bulwer-Lytton Winners Announced

Readers, prepare to cringe: the winners of the 2011 Bulwer-Lytton contest, which challenges entrants to compose bad opening sentences to imaginary novels, have been announced. You might not know the book Paul Clifford, but you definitely know its immortal first line--"It was a dark and stormy night." And now, the grand prize winner, and the shortest winner in the contest's 29-year history, is:

"Cheryl’s mind turned like the vanes of a wind-powered turbine, chopping her sparrow-like thoughts into bloody pieces that fell onto a growing pile of forgotten memories."

Besides the overall winners, there are genre-specific categories. Here's the best worst crime opener:

"Wearily approaching the murder scene of Jeannie and Quentin Rose and needing to determine if this was the handiwork of the Scented Strangler--who had a twisted affinity for spraying his victims with his signature raspberry cologne--or that of a copycat, burnt-out insomniac detective Sonny Kirkland was sure of one thing: he’d have to stop and smell the Roses."

The sci-fi winner:

"Morgan ‘Bamboo’ Barnes, Star Pilot of the Galaxia (flagship of the Solar Brigade), accepted an hors d’oeuvre from the triangular-shaped platter offered to him from the Princess Qwillia—lavender-skinned she was and busty, with two of her four eyes what Barnes called ‘bedroom eyes’—and marveled at how on her planet, Chlamydia-5, these snacks were called ‘Hi-Dee-Hoes’ but on Earth they were simply called Ritz Crackers with Velveeta."

And a dizzying array of terrible--dare we say, unbearable--puns:

"Detective Kodiak plucked a single hair from the bearskin rug and at once understood the grisly nature of the crime: it had been a ferocious act, a real honey, the sort of thing that could polarize a community, so he padded quietly out the back to avoid a cub reporter waiting in the den."

See all the winners at the Bulwer-Lytton website.


Leave a Comment

Post a comment

Comments are moderated, and will not appear on this blog until approved.

Comments (13)

Barnes definitely deserved to win. Go barnes!

Posted by: http://www.azsolarconcepts.com/ | Thursday July 26, 2012 at 12:07 AM


Enjoyed every bit of your website.Thanks Again. Great.

Posted by: tool steel | Tuesday November 1, 2011 at 6:27 PM

Thank you so much.

I support you.

oh my!! i love you so much!!

Posted by: Moncler | Thursday September 22, 2011 at 12:01 AM

The early bird gets the worm.
a

Posted by: Swimwear Bikinis | Friday August 12, 2011 at 9:12 PM

Herr MBT Chapa Weise Kavanagh gestellt, in dem derzeit dort erworbenen gegeben, die "konstruktive Gespräche" zwischen dem Haus Sekretärin , dass Met-Kommissar und auch den Gerichten. Das primäre Minister auch, sofern die Anteilnahme an junge Familien mit Haroon Jahan, Shazad Ali neben Abdul Müşavir, der verstorben ist jedes Mal landeten sie schlagen mit nur einem Fahrzeug innerhalb des City of Birmingham am Donnerstag über Nacht scheinen verbunden. Diese individuelle bezeichnet als den Tod "wirklich schrecklich". Zwei Jugendliche und ein Herr waren mit Gefühl, mit mbt schuhe zu töten, während Ihrer 32-jährigen Person im Gefängnis mit Mittwoch besitzt jetzt verbunden festgenommenvor kurzem wurde gerettet. Das erste Unruhen aufgeflammt zu Donnerstag kurz nach Ihren erholsamen Protest mit Tottenham in den gefährlichen schnappen Aufnahmen mit Make Duggan, 29, durch Strafgericht. Herr Duggan Ableben ist eigentlich derzeit wegen der Unabhängige Strafgerichtshof Beschwerden Anteil untersucht. Das Senior mbt Steckdose Beamte neigen dazu, über immer Bestechungsgelder zu helfen, wieder Pile Hammam in Präsidentschafts-Wahl Fifa ist vermutet werden.

Posted by: Mbt Schuhe | Friday August 12, 2011 at 12:48 AM

Über mbt am Mittwoch, dass körperliche Gewalt oft mit einer Welligkeit Folge, die über ihn erschienen ist Instant Schwerpunkte: news Bewertungen sprach auf dem spektakulären Aufschwung mit Ihren Lieben Einbrüche; sportlichen Aktivitäten Aufsichtsbehörden erklärt zumindest zwei wichtige Fußball mbt schuhe Anzüge london: wie eine große internationale Ergänzung unter Britain und Holland - wurden oftimes weil das Strafgericht aufgeschoben werden konnten sich nicht damit abfinden Offizieren zu helfen versichern Publikum Schutz. Ihre Verschiebungen präsentiert spektakuläre Aussagen über die Belastungen zu Mister. Cameron zusätzlich zu seiner / ihrer Kollegen zu begegnen die tatsächliche schwarz mbt schuhe günstig Schatten der Krawalle bietet solide über die Pläne für die 2012 Olympischen Sommerspiele Spiel Titel.

Posted by: mbt schuhe günstig | Wednesday August 10, 2011 at 11:57 PM

All is not lost that is in danger.
e

Posted by: Brand Bikinis | Monday August 8, 2011 at 1:16 AM

really appreciate your article here. The article has actually peaks my interest.

Posted by: Steelers jerseys | Thursday August 4, 2011 at 7:05 PM

Never done in the article comments, this is my first network comments, appreciate you sharing. Very good article

Posted by: Ed Hardy | Wednesday August 3, 2011 at 6:39 PM

Never done in the article comments, this is my first network comments, appreciate you sharing. Very good article

Posted by: Ed Hardy | Wednesday August 3, 2011 at 6:38 PM

Truth and tears clear the way to a deep and lasting friendship.
g

Posted by: Vibram 5 Fingers | Sunday July 31, 2011 at 11:53 PM

Maturity is the stage in life when we may not see eye-to-eye, but we can still walk arm-in-arm.
s

Posted by: Buy Sandals | Sunday July 31, 2011 at 11:50 PM

So, what happened to old media Monday or reviewing the reviewers? Is it coming back.

Posted by: scott baxter | Tuesday July 26, 2011 at 6:03 PM

Lists + Reviews

Best Books Literature + Fiction Nonfiction Kids + Young Adult Mystery, Thriller + Suspense Science Fiction + Fantasy Comics + Graphic Novels Romance Eating + Drinking

Authors

Interviews Guest Essays

News + Features

News Features Awards

Editors

Omnivoracious, The Amazon Book Review

Feeds Facebook Twitter YouTube