10 Rules for a Hitman to Live By
Tomislav Boksic (aka Toxic), the hero of Hallgrimur Helgason's new comic thriller The Hitman's Guide to Housecleaning, had a record of 66 perfect kills. Then came the 67th—an undercover FBI agent—and suddenly he found himself in Iceland with a new identity. Oops. Avoid this kind of careless error by following Toxic's handy tips.
1. Don't miss the target. People tend to get a bit upset if they notice you're trying to kill them.
2. Don't waste a bullet. You have to think about the environment, too—you really shouldn't add an unnecessary gunshot to an already noisy city.
3. Morning is for murder. Nobody expects a bullet for breakfast.
4. Don't kill a priest. He who kills a man of the church will be killed by a church.
5. Don't confuse killing and murder. Murder is for amateurs, killing is for the professionals.
6. If you have to take on another person's identity, never let it be a priest's. With that collar around your neck, your sex appeal is gone.
7. When you're dating, don't talk about your job—unless you're overseas. Foreign girls are crazy about guys who kill Americans.
8. Embrace every new passport they give you. It's always nice to get a new life now and then.
9. Don't kill the wrong guy. Or you'll end up in Iceland.
10. When in Iceland, stop the killing. There are so few of them.