Eoin Colfer (pronounced Owen) is the very funny author of the best-selling fantasy series, Artemis Fowl, which began with the eponymous first book in 2001 and is now wrapping up with the eighth and final book in the series, Artemis Fowl: The Last Guardian.
In Colfer's guest blog post below we get the scoop on the Artemis series and more--including (but not limited to) speculation on Thor's underpants and a little Ridley Pearson roasting. I'm sad to say goodbye to snappy Artemis Fowl, but Colfer convinced him to leave us with a list of his top five favorite books and why he likes them, after the jump.
People often ask me how come I’m so good looking. No wait, that was a dream. But people actually do ask me where I got the idea for Artemis Fowl, the teenage criminal mastermind featured in my book series, which is cleverly called Artemis Fowl, the series. And I say to them: Are you saying I stole the idea from Ridley Pearson? Is that what you’re saying? Because it’s a lie! Did Pearson send you? You can tell him from me that he’s barking up the wrong tree. In fact, he doesn’t even have a tree. And if he did, I certainly wouldn’t be up in it watching him work through a telescope.
And then when I calm down and realise that nobody is accusing me of anything, I say that I got the idea for Artemis from my little brother Donal, or more specifically, from a photo I saw of him taken on his first morning at school. He was wearing trousers with razor creases and holding a briefcase, and I thought that he looked just like a James Bond villain, and wouldn’t it be funny to write a book about a kid villain who was just as much of a genius as Bloefeldt or Goldfinger but only four feet high.
Apparently a lot of people agreed with me that this was a funny idea, because over the next decade or so more than 20 million people picked up a copy of an Artemis book for themselves. And if you factor in the number of people who shared the book with their little brothers, then that makes 20 million and four readers, because kids do not share with their little brothers, as little brothers tend to store their boogers in between the pages of their big brothers books.
So, I imagine Ron Burgundy asking: you’ve got a really successful series going, why in the name of Zeus’s beard would you finish it after 8 books? After all, Tolkien wrote twenty four Lords of the Ring books including all the manuscripts, unfinished manuscripts, rough sketches, cartoons, and stick figures that have yet to turn up in his step-grand neighbour’s attic. And that’s not even counting the ones co-written by James Patterson.
This is a good question. And one I often ask myself in the dead of night when I awake weeping, having dreamed of spiralling sales and obscurity. Why in the name of Thor’s enchanted underpants would I kill the goose that lays the golden egg? This is obviously a metaphor, as I would never personally kill a goose, unless the goose had been genetically modified to threaten the security of our nation (Take that, Ridley!) and I do not get paid in golden eggs. Although I wish I did, as gold holds its value pretty well in our uncertain economy. Also I happen to know that Thor doesn’t wear underpants, as he finds they slow him down when he needs to go potty in battle situations.